gaoyth-fearthainn agus rea'ltas(wind-rain and stars)

i know this has happened to everyone at some time or another but it always feels the same. i have just experienced something so disappointing and hurtful from a dear friend,and just out of the blue,i felt some tension but when i brought it up nothing was ever said,but now the blow has been felled and i just don't know what to make of it.

it's cetainly not the betrayl of  a marriage trust (i've already done that 2 times) but this comes from a dear friend and it is so hard to accept especially since i really don't know why exactly and i can't seem to get a dialogue going but this is important and i need to understand the whole situation. i can't begin to repair something or mend words or even say i'm sorry if i need to because i'm not sure what this is about!

things have been running through my head and heart but i can't really come up with anything, and i feel so hurt myself by this friends choice as this choice will affect my life and plans i've made for the next few months if not forever.

today is rainy and gray and that's how i feel inside,i can't find comfort in the words i would give someone else in this situation.time is a revealer and a healer,but as usual i have no patience for what time will bring about.i just want things back to the way they were,but sometimes i know cracks can not be mended and i suppose that's the nexus of what i'm feeling...fear and great disappointment.

it is sunday morning 3:30 am,i have showered,my hair is up with hot rollers,have on the proper undergarments, under my robe and i am debating starting make up...there's only 5 more hours until i have to get everyone up for church and i have 32 essays from my 9th grade theatre/performing arts class  to grade and special projects for 10th-12th grades to assign and to come up with some ideas for my junior high as we do a mini shakespeare course the next 3 weeks-all before monday morning at 8 am(.i love performing arts and children in high school oh,... hmm ,i mean the lovely young men and women in high school)

 then as i am writing this i remember i never put the clothes in the dryer so, yea to me for at least remembering that before time  to dress for church!

anyway,i thought maybe joining a group of super mom bloggers might help and inspire me to bo truly be able to do it all. and so far the results are quite amazing, i have spent an hour and a half here reading blogs! 

oh well there will always be essays in the world.and i suppose my heart will be better for church with out to many "what the cupcake are you trying to say here" in my heart and mind and my repeated banging of my head against the wall will just scare the cat and surely wake up a child... so maybe this blog is just a blessing not an addication at all.

the past few years have become different for me,crazy, exciting and i love it, but very different.i am in that sandwich place writers refer to when talking about women who are both mothers and daughters,well i am both director/choreographer and actor/dancer/singerat the same time.(i am also mother and daughter,truly sandwiched)

i teach performing arts at a private high school and i teach some private and group classes as well.i am very involved with a children's theatre group and i am on the board of directors for our local theater and opera guild.so i direct and choreograph shows as well as do shows.it seems the phrase most uttered from my mouth is "i can't i have rehearsal"

at my school we do two big shows each year along with some smaller projects in between. we do a non musical in the fall,recently we did twelfth night and a melodrama murder mystery.we do a musical every spring last year we did grease...which was 19 times the undertaking i thought it would be but 100 times better than i ever expected!! the kids were phenomanal and we did 6 sold out shows,2 of which we added at the last minute due to demand.we had a cast and crew of 58 plus our 15 piece orchestra and yes i am really bragging because musical theater is new to the drama dept.at our school and grease was our third musical. and of course being grease it was a lot of work but it was so much fun for them! the music is great,the costumes, dancing and the sets...all great!!

but now we are about to begin rehearsals for this years show and i am really worried because what i've chosen is a bit of an unknown but after much soul searching and agonizing over this choice...it's done. we held auditions just before christmas break and now we begin the process of production.we are doing a pirate musical. i chose this because sadly we lost most of the strongest performers with graduation last year and we have few truly capable members left.(i hate saying it that way because i adore these kids,many of whom are doing theater for the first time and i know with some time i will grow up a crop of amazing performers but right now i have a handful of very talented girls and even less boys) one of the reasons grease was such a hit was due to all the talented seniors!

anyway... i am working on an amazing set-the deck of ship with a mast and sails and rigging. the music is really good,but all unknown,the costuming will be fun because it's pirates!(the girls are the pirates with some of the guys being the brittish navy and some being pirates)but my delimma is growing this group at a prep school in a college town that lives and breathes sports.and i like sports! i sponsor the dance team here at our school and i love watching my students who play basketball,but while we have a mostly adequate budget for my dept.i don't know how to get kids to become involved. in my classes you are only required to participate in certain projects but the shows themselves are extra curricular.i want create something of substance with this arts program,something that will make a difference to the kids involved and the audience that comes to see what they have done.with so much of the arts being cut from our schools today i feel very blessed to be a part of something as wonderful as this program here at our school.and as i do this i still love being on stage myself. i thought to give it up,but it won't let go...

if all the world's a stage...then maybe someone out there has some thoughts...

it seems that thursdays have become my favorite day . tommorrow is friday and friday of course holds the promise of saturday.but thursday is a safe almost cozy feeling day and i seem to accomplish more on thursdays than any other day, so today,on a thursday in january i am attempting to put choose the next colors for the threads i will weave into the tapestry that is my life,well i suppose all our lives.geoff moore wrote a song called threads and it created a profound but yet simple image of who we are in god's eyes and hands,we are threads woven into the tapestry of life.

so now as a new year begins(but i will admitt i think of years in school language so a new year for me begins in late august when school starts again) but as the seemingly starkness of january begins(another aside ? but januaru may be empty of scheduled or planned big event days i have always felt very comfortable with january and what you can do with it's days) so anyway as this particular time begins to unfold i'm making choices and decisions that will color my life and take further along the path.i love the idea of following a path but my path,not someone else's,the one god laid out for me. i love the idea of following a path and as rich mullins wrote"i may stumble but never beyond his reach"

so i suppose what i'm simply trying to put into words is that i am hoping on this thursday in january to make something beautiful .

waiting in the wind

this is my first post to a vox group,i love the title and the description. deep moments are something i live and love... and look for...and wait for...

Miranda

2 comments

miranda is one of my favorite paintings...she is beautiful and quite the tempest herself... as prospero says "we are such stuff as dreams are made on"

i am new to vox. i love music,dance, theatre,writing,books and above all else god and my children.

i love the stars and storms and rain and drinking champagne (and don't usually rhyme) i love england,scotland,ireland and wales...the land,the people and the weather. i also love being from the deep south and new york is just an amazing city

and sometimes in life you must just simply...believe... 

writing is a very deep part of me and i hope to find new friends here who share what i love and some who have very different loves.

...i look for the light because it shows me the way and i wait for the darkness because it shows me the stars...